I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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