I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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