just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
