I molested 6 butterflies tonight
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
