just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
