You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
