Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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