I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
