Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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