I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
