I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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