Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
