Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
