Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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