Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
