he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
