It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
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