Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
