You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
