maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me