this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
