??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
