Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.