I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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