laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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