dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
did i just pee glitter
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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