I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
