So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
