Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
