he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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