You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
