I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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