Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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