I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
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He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
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Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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