talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
