I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
