Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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