I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
