I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
