yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
