What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
