i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
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