he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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