Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
