and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
