his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
