I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
