I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
