True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
