So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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