ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
