Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
