what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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