Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
