is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
