12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
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Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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