meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
