cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
