there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
