if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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