My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
