She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
