Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
