what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
