I cockslap morals
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
