She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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