Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
