Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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