Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
