Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
