i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
