cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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