He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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