this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
