but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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