Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
