I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
