lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
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so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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